


Adventures in Hilarity

by sharedwithyou



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bullshittery, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, No Spoilers, mindfuckery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21739744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: Embark on an adventure with your favorite heroes that will make you snort your milkshake or choke on your hot cocoa!Spoiler-free for your enjoyment!
Comments: 25
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Your neighborhood Bucky the Mindfucker is back with her typical form of humor- ridiculous and probably dark.
> 
> I might throw in some angst later. We'll see. It would be almost uncharacteristic if someone doesn't end up hideously depressed.
> 
> Anyway, here's installment one! I hope reading this makes your day a little brighter lovelies!

"Oh, hey, you got an eyelash."

The handsome man reached forward and traced your cheek, before gently pulling his hand away.

"Make a wish."

You waited for him to blow it away before speaking.

"I wish you weren't such an asshole, Tony."

There was a loud crash as Hawkeye fell from a vent laughing.

"That's not very nice." Steve reprimanded, holding in a giggle.

"A noble sentiment, (y/n), but since you did not close your eyes before wishing I'm afraid it won't come true." Thor spoke solemnly, but winked at you nonetheless.

You winked back, before seeing Tony's scowl deepen. "Uh, something in my eye. Definitely something in my eye."

"I should've shoved that lash back in." The playboy philanthropist grumbled, before pushing past you towards the door. "Hurry up, we're late."

"You weren't late a second ago when you were hitting on her," Clint sang as he rappelled back into the ceiling.

"Come, brother Rogers, let us commiserate over a drink."

"What are we commiserating, exactly?"

"That we were not invited to brother Stark's red-carpet gala."

"...but you said you didn't want to go anyway."

"Fine, we are commiserating the fact that we won't get to watch (y/n) humiliate him."

"Hey, I'll drink to that too."

The two grown men jumped like little girls on pogo sticks. "Natasha how long have you been standing there?!"

"Long enough. When will Tony learn that (y/n) sucks at flirting?"

"Lets hope never."

"So what valuable cause are we donating to, this time?"

"First of all, you are not donating anything. I, the playboy billionaire philanthropist, am the one who gets invited to donate things. Second of all-"

"Then why do I have to come along?!" You interrupted crossly. Tony had promised you a stretch limo.

"The famous Tony Stark cannot be seen without a date on his arm."

"I only agreed because you promised me champagne and a limo, not a Pepsi and Uber Pool!"

"This is Uber Black, actually." The driver piped in helpfully, before turning around quickly at your glare.

"And Pepsi, Stark?! Not even Coke? Do you know what Pepsi is? Pepsi is to Cola as Loki is to gods!"

"So, good looking and mysterious?"

"An annoying imposter!"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Next time we're in Asgard I'm telling him you said that."

"Yeah, you tell him that and I'll tell him you're lusting after him."

"You wouldn't!"

"Hey, you just said he was handsome."

"Fine, you win."

You smiled. Tony usually argued til you were blue in the face. Yes, you.

"Next time I'll bring Coke. I wouldn't want to bring the (y/n) of Cola."

The driver sighed as he heard a huge splash and made a note to charge a cleaning fee. No more food or drink allowed in the car after this.

"What do you think lady (y/n) and Brother Stark are up to right now?"

"I don't know, and I'm happy about it." Nat the Cat tried to be curt without being rude. It was the one day a week she could catch up on the Bachelor.

"Hmm. And this show is about-"

"A bunch of girls trying to date one guy. Now let me watch in peace."

Clint winced. He knew Thor was feeling lonely. Usually at this time (y/n) would have chosen a movie she deemed helpful in teaching Thor about Midgard culture. Then again, it was nice to have the TV free. Even if it was the Bachelor.

"They've made a show about the life of brother Stark, eh?"

Nat the Cat tried not to laugh. If she showed weakness, Thor would always bother her while she was trying to have "Nat-Time."

"Something like that."

You forced a smile as a billion lights went off in your face. You'd rather be facing bullets than camera flashes, but you were benched from duty after you gave a local man your number last mission. Even though the number was the Rejection Hotline, and it was as a joke.

"Miss! What's your name?!"

"How long have you known Mr. Stark!"

"What's the nature of your relationship!"

"None of your business!" You whispered fiercely. But the mics didn't pick it up.

You felt an elbow in your back. Somehow Iron Elbow had heard what the mics hadn't.

"No comment." You offered.

"That's right." Tony smiled enigmatically at the reporters, before whisking you away.

"This is horrible Tony."

"Don't worry, there's free food."

"I just thought of something." Thor burst into the living room, fresh from a 10 mile sprint.

"You don't say," Nat the Cat muttered, but nodded at him to continue.

"(y/n)'s face will be on camera!"

"And it's too ugly to film?" Clint offered. Steve once again tried not to giggle.

"Her identity will be at stake!"

"Don't worry, Thor." She may have been annoyed at his constant interruptions, but she had a soft spot for, well, for his soft spot for you. "It's a masquerade ball."

"Really?"

"Of course! Tony would never be stupid enough to take her to a normal function."

"Uh...guys?" Steve's tone was steady but the panic was in his eyes. "This is the invitation."

"...it's definitely not a masquerade ball."

"Who thought under the sea would be a good theme?" Clint scoffed.

"Focus!" Tasha was already out of the room to grab her emergency supplies.

"Avengers, asse-"

"No time for that!" Thor interrupted as Mjolnir crashed through the window. In a blink, he was gone.

"Does he even know the address?"

"Oh, like you would've stopped him Clint?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAHAHAHHAAHA
> 
> LEAVE A COMMENT! LET ME KNOW HOW YOU'RE DOING
> 
> It might seem short but it was hard let me tell you! shush tony.
> 
> I don't know if the Rejection Hotline is still around, but back in the day we used it for guys who wouldn't leave us alone. Looks like a regular number but when they call it's an automated message about how they've been rejected. Hehe.
> 
> Quick poll 1:  
> WHO?!?!?!  
> I may have purposely set one up in honor of my best friend Steve. Teehee.  
> but as always i have a couple of pots in the fire. pans? in the fire?
> 
> Quick poll 2: fav part?!  
> Mine has got to be "the (y/n) of cola" because it is both hilarious and a little heart-breaking.  
> Tony is mean. Bad Tony. I will make it up to you!
> 
> I will try hard not to leave this one on hiatus. No promises. The muse comes and goes as she likes with little thought of anyone else.
> 
> I hope this made you giggle! 
> 
> I'm doing well everyone! And i'm hoping to write some more! Two fics in less than 2 months! Whoot! 
> 
> See you next time lovelies!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Hilarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The world has been crazy but I've been seeing a good things that I didn't think possible, and I love it!
> 
> So I was able to write something slightly happy. 
> 
> Enjoy another installation of unrelated slightly plotless drabble.
> 
> Happy Pride, Black Lives Matter, stay safe y'all.
> 
> XOXO Bucky

Boom. Bullseye.

Right in the crotch.

It had been Tony’s idea to post a picture on the dart board to make it more fun.

So you took the idea and ran with it. Using the picture he took with Maxim’s #1 hottie under 30. After you cut the pretty lady out of the picture of course. It wasn’t her fault that he’s a gigantic horndog.

Hmm, looks like Playboy Philanthropist was right. It felt great throwing spikey things at him.

“See, that’s what I missed most when you moved out, (y/n); the beloved orange and pink dartboard.”

You stuck your tongue out at him, but you were so happy Bruce was visiting that you forgave him immediately. “Look at you out of the lab and in the sun. I think this ‘accepting your own nature’ thing is really good for you.”

“Don’t let Tony hear you say that. It will give him a built in excuse to flirt with everyone who walks by with breasts.”

“He doesn’t need one. He does it unapologetically as it is.”

Either Bruce didn’t have the EQ not to bring the Iron Ass up, or chose deliberately to mention the taboo. But he was footing the bill at the sushi buffet so you’d let it slide.

“You ready, Milady?”

“Ick. Bruce I told you not to try internet slang. You’re already years behind.”

“Milady should never go out of style.”

“Fine. Just don’t, ever, wear a fedora. Now let’s get some unagi.”

“Turn on the camera, (y/n).”

“Isn’t it enough to hear my beautiful voice, Tasha?”

“Normally I’d let you off the hook, but it’s called FaceTime, and you missed our last phone date. So turn on the camera you big baby.”

“Fine.” You tapped the screen half-heartedly. “Don’t judge my puffy face. I’m feeling bloated.”

“Did you go too hard at the sushi buffet?”

“Ugh. Don’t say sushi.” You made a barfing face.

“How many rolls did you eat?!”

“12. And don’t say rolls either.”

“Can I say wasabi?” She missed teasing you.

“I’m going to hang up now,” you threatened with a grin.

“Fine, I’ll stop. I desperately need female contact right now.”

“Tony would have a field day with that comment.”

“Oh, so now you’re willing to bring him up? Finally forgiving him, huh.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. He thinks with his penis, and I am no longer expecting any different.”

“That’s the spirit. Lower your expectations.” Clint’s face popped up behind Nat the Cat’s briefly, before both of them disappeared, followed by the sound of what you figured was a barrage of punches. “Damnit Tasha! You said I could join the call!” Clint’s complaints were a bit muffled, but the phone mic was pretty good so could hear their bickering just fine.

“I said you could join after 15 minutes, and you know it!”

“Since Brother Barton has broken siege, I’m assuming I can join the call as well.”

You heard a long-suffering sigh. “Fine, Thor.” She turned to the camera with a scowl. “See what you left me to deal with?!”

“Hey, I left you my personal taser for this exact reason!!”

“You guys talking to (y/n) in there?”

“...sure Steve. Might as well come in since these 2 bozos couldn’t give me more than 5 seconds of privacy.”

“Uh...ok!” Steve’s face came into view, before the camera turned around and showed Clint stuck in a headlock and Thor trying not to bust a gut. “Hey where’d my face go? Tasha, I think I messed up the call?”

Another sigh. “Just click the camera button again.”

“Is it on top?”

“We went over this already, Steve. Bottom left. The icon that looks like a camera, with two arrows around it.”

“Right-”

The screen went black. You chuckled softly. Looks like Frosty was never going to figure out technology. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed! Let me know how you lovelies are in the comments.


End file.
